Let’s get one thing out of the way first.  I absolutely did slip on the ice yesterday leaving my job.  Now, as I was slipping, I felt it happening and didn’t even trying to resist it, just let myself flop on the ground.  THAT is how you do it, ladies and gents.  That’s my bit of helpful advice as this entire country freezes over, just let it happen, and you’ll be okay.

The Batch

So I am the kween queen of trashy television, and I have been since I was a teenager, and The Real World was a thing.  I don’t think I’ve ever actually desired to be on reality telly, because in my mind, there’s some stuff that needs to stay private, however, I have enjoyed it.  But I truly have not watched the Bachelor in it’s entirety in years.  But one of the girls who works in my office definitely watches it, and we seem to relate really well over my love of reality telly, so I thought, hey, let’s DVR this and catch up when I’m working on the blog at night!

And I can’t look away.

There are so many questions I have as it relates to The Bachelor. 

• Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey.  What in God’s name is the matter with Kelsey?  Why does she think she’s better than the rest of the girls?  Why didn’t one of the producers provide her with some Roc Retinol for under her eyes knowing full well that she would be on camera?  Why does she cut her hair like a 40-year-old woman? (Shoutout to the 40-year-olds, but we don’t need the mom cut until we are in fact, moms.)  Is she actually a widow?  Who would marry her?  Why is she so grouchy when Chris isn’t around?  How come she thinks just because she threw around the word “amass” one time, she’s a MENSA candidate?  Why did she fake a panic attack for?  Does she know it’s not cute to make a mockery of people who actually have experience with those?  Listen, anyone who fakes anything really isn’t to be trusted.

• How do the girls drink constantly?  They are not fat.  I drank nonstop the week of my wedding and gained like 90 pounds in a day.  How?!  Are they working out off-camera?  We also NEVER see them eating so, maybe they just eat green beans and things.
• Why do these girls wear so much makeup?  I am strictly a BB Cream, mascara, and eyeliner (on a great day), type of lady, so it’s actually really alarming to see girls with lipstick, highlights, eyelashes, eyebrow pencils.  What do you really look like?  Maybe I’m just jealous…

• Why is everyone crying all the time?  All the time.  I have cried over two boys, one of whom I was involved in a dysfunctional relationship with.  Why are you crying over someone you don’t know?!

Are you following the Bachelor?