Engagement anxiety.

Being married is my favorite thing ever.  Everyone keeps asking me what I think about being married, and honestly, it has been beyond amazing.  I felt, a few days ago, for one of the first times, that we’re settling into marriage, which is a beautiful thing.  It was nice to look out of the window a few days ago, see the shed that my husband painted, and kind of smile and think, “we’re building something together!”  And I know, marriage isn’t all la la la kittens and baby turtles, but in the time that it is, I’m relishing the time and drinking it all in.

Exit

We got married at a pretty standard age I think, in fact, I’m a little older than some of my friends were getting married.  But, I think I’m starting to get into the season of my life where I’m seeing a ton of weddings and a ton of engagements, and I’m so happy for folks.  I am so pumped.  But I wonder if any of these brides have experienced any of the engagement anxiety that comes with being engaged.

The reason this came up?  A few days ago, I ran into a friend who was brand, brand, newly engaged.  I spotted her hand sparkling and asked her about it.  She raised her arm, almost zombie-like, and showed me.

“Oh my gosh,” I said!  “When did you guys get engaged???!”

“Last night,” she quietly drawled.

She didn’t seem sad.  But she didn’t seem happy.  If anything, she seemed a little…stunned?

And I think that’s perfectly normal.  You’ve just made the pre-commitment to commit to someone for the rest of your life.  That said, it’s normal to feel:

  • Stupid happy.
  • Like a grown-up.  You might not feel like a grown up, because grown ups, in your mind, are old and go to bed early.  And they never drink too much.  And all of a sudden, you’ve done something that really old grown people do.  And you might start to feel old.
  • A little stunned.
  • Tired.  You’re showing off your hand, you’ve recounted your proposal story about 400 times, and people keep asking when the date is, when you’ve only been engaged for like a week.  It’s a lot of attention.  I thought I liked attention before we got married.  Woof, that was a lot.

I can’t speak for the men, but I’m fairly certain they too go through the “oh, shit” phase before it passes and you’re married to your best bud.  So remember, my engaged friends, it’s okay to have some or all of the above feelings for a few weeks after engagement.

What was one big life change that had you stunned for a day or two?  

Engagement anxiety – a wedding post.

I was, and am thrilled to be getting married.  Absolutely thrilled.  I’m still in disbelief that someone wants to marry me, but that’s another discussion for another day.

We finally put a deposit down on the venue, and I feel like such a huge weight is lifted.   I literally, to the chagrin of me darling neighbors, did a Rockettes-styled dance when I hung up the phone with Jeremy, my point person at the venue.  The search for a venue was a frustrating one – especially because there’s no real indication of whats in your price range and what’s not until you visit a place.  And then they tell you it’s a $20,000 food minimum.  And then you die kinda.

Meadow
Here it is, the beautiful place where we will be getting married August 23, 2014.

Kudos to all you brides that make it look like you spent a year to a year-and-a-half enjoying making wedding plans over a bubbly pedicure with little flutes of champagne, and your wedding binder in your lap, but whatever.  I am SO not that bride.  Well, not yet.

There’s a little bit of anxiety that comes with being engaged, anxiety about the fact that you’re in this state of limbo, not a girlfriend, but not yet a wife, and you’re expected to run around with clouds around your feet, singing songs, and spreading your arms wide when you hit the high notes.  And any shred of anxiety is supposed to mean that you’re making a huge mistake, right?  Wrong.

Yes, I’m wearing a beautiful diamond ring, and I literally cannot wait to walk down the aisle and become an official family with Austin.  But the diamond doesn’t transcend all, and daily things and logistics about the wedding will create anxiety.  In the span of time since I’ve gotten engaged, I lost my grandmother, moved apartments suddenly, and started a new job, so arrest me for being a little off-kilter.

Additionally, the pressure from other people adds to this.  People making demands as far as their invites, worries about money, logistics of getting 150 folks into your city and housed, fed, and drinked for a night, complaints from family members about your choice of dress, hairstyle, the venue – these all will add to some of your anxiety.

So brides-to-belisten here.  If you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, and you’re worried that your worry is a sure sign that you’re a freak, destined to be alone forever, chill out.  You’re not the only one and your worry is normal.  Relax and remember that in a few months, you’re about to throw the party of the dang century.  Cheers!