Proactiv Perjury

So, I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I struggled with some acne in high school.

Currently, at the ripe old age of 26. I still struggle with hormonal acne, and at certain times of the month, my forehead will erupt into angry acne.  Eventually, it goes away, but it leaves behind some hyperpigmentation that seems to take forever to get gone.  Since I had some success with Proactiv in undergrad, I went ahead and ordered Proactiv again.  And this time, the formula is even better, and more moisturizing than it has in the past.

I noticed that I was getting low, and checked my account – my package was supposed to have shipped on October 3rd, but somewhere between the old house and the new house, my package didn’t get to me.  And if I go a few days without using it, my skin is really unhappy, so I called, and tried to track down my package.

Here’s where things got a little weird.

The folks at Proactiv, who are generally pretty nice, told me that in order to send me out a new package (and I’ve been autoshipped up to this point), that I would have to SIGN AN AFFIDAVIT stating that I had not received the shipment under threat of perjury. Threat of perjury.  Woo!  They are not messing around up there.

I mean, I get it!  Evidently, there are some clowns running around claiming they never received product and ruining things for the rest of us who just want clear skin.  Additionally, they offered, once they receive my statement, to refund the two months I’ve been paying with no product.

I’m certainly not here to bash Proactiv, but I’m more asking for all of us to look at our behaviors as they affect others.  Working in running retail, we ran into this issue a lot.  Folks returning shoes they’d been wearing for over a year.  Folks returning socks so old, that the artwork on the packaging had changed.  Folks returning used clothing items that had clearly been worn to work out in.  And finally, clearly, folks returning empty bottles of an expensive skin-care product.

So next time you’re like “why the heck are running shoes so expensive,” or “why does this company make me jump through hoops to get a replacement [blank],” remember, one, you could be made to sign an affidavit swearing that you did not receive said product, and two, it’s these jerks running these streets that are ruining it for all of us.


What’s your best/worst experience with customer service? 

Something bad happened to my Kindle.

I got my Kindle a few years ago.  I was kind of having a really tough year – I had just broken up with a boyfriend, was feeling a little meh, and in the mail from my younger sister Debra was the coolest invention since the iPhone – an Amazon Kindle.

I dressed my Kindle up – I bought a skin for it to jazz it up, and got it its own little sleeve holder to go in so I wouldn’t step on it on drop it in its off-time.  The Kindle took me through that breakup, through a summer at a camp in Virginia, though hurricane Sandy, through my employment at the bakery (it was great for breaks), and through time at the pool.

One of the only pics of me and my Kindle, when it was still living.

Last Sunday, while my husband was trying to bore me by forcing me to watch NFL, I went to flip on my Kindle, and something just wasn’t right. The screen was weird and frozen, and I immediately, immediately got on the phone with Amazon Kindle support.  To their credit, Amazon has absolutely incredible customer support, and they were super helpful, but after a few “tried-and-true” fixes, I had to resign to the fact that my Kindle wasn’t coming back, and that Amazon no longer manufactured that old-school style.

They were great.  They’re sending me a refurbished model and I only paid the difference for them to ship it to me.  I will have to ship the old one back, and in the meantime, I’ve honestly felt a little bit lost.  I’ve been reading bits and pieces off of my iPhone screen, and patiently stalking the mailman for the day when my package gets here.

What’s one piece of technology you feel attached to? 

I almost started a bikini line yesterday…

So yesterday, this bikini that I ordered finally arrived at the house.

I’d been in need of a new bathing suit in forever – the last bikini I bought was this adorable pink number that I’d managed to randomly snag at the Target like two years ago.

My stepmother-in-law gave me a gift card to Victoria’s Secret, and after I searched high and low, I picked this:


It seemed like the suit would offer me adequate coverage, all while being really cute.  Plus, I was able to pick a pretty big top, and the color was fine.  So it finally showed up, and I put it on and it was HORRIBLE on.  Absolutely horrible.  The bottom was cute, but the top wasn’t supportive at all, and my boobs were literally hanging out of the bottom of the suit.

I live close enough to the mall that I was able to run over with the invoices, and browse what they had in-store.

VS Dude: Hi, welcome to Victoria’s Secret. ::motions to the package in my arms:: Do you have an exchange for us?

Me: Yeah, I bought this online, but the top isn’t supportive at all!  I want to look around to see if I can find something.

VS Dude:  Well this stuff isn’t that supportive.  But we have stuff in the back.  You should check there.

Me: Ok cool, I’ll do that.  Do you mind hanging on to this package for me while I shop? (I figured I wouldn’t be as much of a shoplifting suspect if I wasn’t carrying a bikini around in a big empty mailing envelope.)

VS Dude: Uhhh.  Yeah no.  Will a bag work?

Me: Sure!

VS Dude: ::Disappears, never to be seen again::

So for the better part of an hour, I wandered throughout the Pink room in VS, and in this back room where all the big-boobed swimsuits hide out.  I wandered near and far.  And I found nothing.  Finally, I left in an angry huff, with no bathing suit, and feeling distinctly as though something was wrong with my body.

I know rationally that there’s nothing wrong with my body, but in those moments, I was really tempted to call a good plastic surgeon and let him or her just chop my chest down to a size that would fit a little better into a VS swimkini.  But, I’ve seen Botched, and I really shouldn’t have to hack my body, a body that can run 26.2 miles, lift, dance, and swim, to fit into a suit that rivals one I had when I was a flat-chested 12-year-old.

What I do need however, is to find a suit.  A suit that I can wear a S/M on the bottom, and like a DD on top.  Is that too hard to ask?

Where do you find your bathing suits, large-chested women?