How involved should you be in your engagement ring process?

Were you like me growing up?

After seeing proposals as a kid on telly and stuff, I always assumed that the entire process of getting engaged was a giant surprise.

Whenever I would see those jumbotron proposals, I would always think to myself, “What if she says no,” not realizing until a teacher told me later, that a proposal, and an engagement, generally, were discussed at length prior to it happening.

So all that said, when I got into a relationship, the sort where I felt like I could share my life with this person, I had no idea how we were supposed to go about choosing a ring.

Wasn’t I supposed to be surprised?

DID I want to be surprised?

And then I thought about it.

I love Austin so deeply.  However, throughout the course of our nearly four-year courtship, it became apparent that he might need some help picking out the jewelry that would symbolize the start of our relationship together.

For one, he was colorblind.  When colors, especially those on the same note, were mashed together, he couldn’t tell the difference, which I learned after we spent a weekend painting together.

For two, he was a straight male engineer.  Engineers are notoriously no-frills.  He likes his hair buzzed.  He doesn’t like fancy clothes.  And fashion isn’t one of his main concerns.  And knowing that, I still decided to try the whole “going to pick out a genre of ring, and letting my man decide” thing.





My husband didn’t know what to do.  He didn’t know what was a pretty metal.  He didn’t understand why I liked the stone in a certain shape.

So off to the jeweler we went.

We went to a custom jeweler in 5-Points who sat down with both of us.  Austin gave him his budget on the DL, and I gave him what I wanted, after I figured out what I wanted.  The day Austin got down on his knee, I was surprised, happy, and I think Austin was happy with my answer 🙂

So to answer the original question?

It’s really a matter of individual preference.  But for me?  I liked having my hand in the design process.

What do you think?  How involved will you (were you) in the engagement ring process?


10 thoughts on “How involved should you be in your engagement ring process?

  1. Phil and I were wandering around the Jewelry district in London, and he stopped at a place and suggested we maybe go in and just try stuff on. We both knew marriage was an eventuality (being long distance, we definitely had the “where is this going” chat regularly), but I wasn’t expecting to go ring shopping. He knew I had a preference for vintage jewelry, so he’d researched and found this place, and then pretended to “stumble upon” it as we went to get a watch fixed. When he proposed later with the ring I had chosen that day, it was the ultimate surprise. So even though I knew at some point he would probably propose, and I at least knew he’d get a good style of ring after we tried some on, the where and when and all the extra was very much a surprise and I don’t feel at all like I missed out on anything. I still cried and shouted yes!!

    1. Aw – that’s so sweet! We tried the whole going to the actual jewelry store thing to pick out something that was already there, and I just could not find what I wanted. I was hands-on in designing, but when I finally saw the ring in person, I was stunned. It was SO beautiful!

  2. I loved being a part of the process. I walked away anytime the price was discussed. I was totally surprised when he actually proposed! I had no idea it was about to happen….I was in a hoodie and jeans!!! (He wanted to go to the park and dinner after, I thought it was totally appropriate.) I love looking down at my hand and seeing what we were able to create together.

    1. I was so surprised. I’m still surprised, even though I was completely hands-on in the design process. I think the fear with a lot of folks is, if you’re involved at all in the process, you won’t be surprised when the time comes, and I think nothing can be further from the truth!

  3. My fiancé suggested we go visit the local jewelry stores and see if I could find the prefect one. 3 shops later (I thought I knew I wanted a plain band with a solitaire), I picked out a very dainty band with diamond accents through out the entire thing but it had a round solitaire and having been to several stores, I knew I wanted square. So they took the band I wanted and put the square diamond solitaire on it! By the time he proposed, I had no idea what it was going to look like altogether and I was so so happy and surprised with how well it turned out!

    1. Love that! I think that’s another thing – you design a ring, but you NEVER know how it’s going to turn out when it all comes together! I was stunned when I saw mine!

  4. YES! My fiancé and I went shopping together 4 (long) months before we got engaged. I picked out a few rings, but the one that brought tears to my eyes was very out of our price range. During the proposal I only got a quick glimpse of the ring and felt totally disappointed because it didn’t look like the one I really loved. Well the tears in my eyes were blurring my vision because on my second look I started crying again because it was the ONE.

  5. We went to Diamond’s Direct together to find the size/style I wanted and then he went back on his own to officially order the ring and pick the main center stone.I knew it would be an eternity band in white gold with a singe solitaire, just wasn’t sure how big the center stone would be 😉 And I’m so glad we picked it together. I sent him a picture once and somehow he and the saleswoman got the wrong stone type so I’m glad I went with him before he ordered!

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