I did a stair workout tonight, and I’m a little hungry for more. Who knows where I can access a stadium for running? I love how sore I’m gonna be tomorrow….
Workouts
What are you listening to?
I have a very visceral reaction to music. The first time I ever heard Waka Waka by Shakira, I welled up and got all teary. I think I was also going through a breakup and I also get like hyper-emotional when I work out, so it may just be that but whatevs.
The other day, I was riding to dinner with the husband-to-be and one of those cheesy countdowns of the top 5 songs was on. I typically only listen to the Beyoncé CD in my car, most specifically Yoncé/Partition, but I decided that Queen Bey could use a break.
I heard this song.
And I kind of started feeling weepy. I make no bones about the fact that I am 25 shit 26 years old, and a full-fledged Directioner (Zayn is the best, and the movie was hilarious and fantastic).
This song was immediately added to my running playlist, no questions asked.
Now here’s my question for you.
What song have you recently added to your running/workout playlist?
What was your workout tune of 2013?
Fitsugar posted this sweet list of the “Top Pop Workout Tunes of 2013,” and I’ve brought it to you!
- “Timber” — Pitbull, Ke$ha
- “Roar” — Katy Perry
- “Safe and Sound” — Capital Cities
- “Blurred Lines” — Robin Thicke, T.I., Pharrell
- “Pompeii” — Bastille
- “Work B**ch” — Britney Spears
- “Demons (Remix)” — Imagine Dragons
- “Best Song Ever” — One Direction
- “The Monster” — Eminem, Rihanna
- “White Noise” — Disclosure, AlunaGeorge
- “Don’t Save Me” — Haim
- “Get Lucky” — Daft Punk, Pharrell
- “Slow Down” — Selena Gomez
- “Under Control” — Calvin Harris, Alesso, Hurts
- “Wake Me Up” — Avicii
- “Mirrors” — Justin Timberlake
- “Burn” — Ellie Goulding
- “Wild” — Jessie J, Big Sean
- “Applause” — Lady Gaga
- “Can’t Hold Us” — Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
- “I Love It” — Icona Pop
- “We Can’t Stop” — Miley Cyrus
So, I find these kinds of articles totally interesting, because I love my pop, and I love love matching up to see how many of these I hit in my workout playlist. Funny enough, when I went back and checked my Spotify, I’d hit a really good number of these.
So, as a total side note, for those of you kind of new to figuring out the easiest way to do your music on your treadmill or long run, Spotify, is the total jam. I discovered Spotify like 3 years ago. Basically, when you do the free version, you have access to every single song you can think of across the world for free. I pay about $9.99 a month to access Spotify premium, which allows me to access the songs when I’m not connected to WiFi, and it’s been really awesome for me, not only to create sweet playlists for me to race to, but also to create and explore new music for me to bring to my Zumba classes. Because I can switch which country I’m based out of too, I can pull new Latin music for my classes from the top songs from Mexico, Cuba, and Spain. It’s pretty sweet!
But I digress.
Spotify was kind enough to sum up my year, and as you can see, there were a few songs I couldn’t get enough of, especially when racing and working out, including Pegate Mas, Balada, Kiss You (for all you 1D fans), Blurred Lines, and the ever classy F*ck You by Lily Allen.
So,
What were your workout tunes of 2013?
I went to Zumba yesterday….
With the gorgeous Loretta Bates. I got there super early, jumped on the treadmill (cause I’m still streaking), and then went to reclaim my spot in class. I said hi to a few folks, and did my usual pre-class ritual. Don’t be obnoxious or draw attention to myself because it’s rude to do that when you’re a teacher in another teacher’s class.
When the grumbling started.
It was a chick behind me, and I think she was mad because I “took her spot” in class. Because we have assigned seating. And this is middle school.
I tried to ignore her. And she made it a point to tell everyone around her, loudly, that “SOME PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THE RULES.”
I roasted the entire class. What was I gonna say to her? I had it all pictured in my head.
I was gonna turn around, and tell that girl, in her blue shirt where she could go. That she was mean, that she was evil, and that if she wanted the spot, she could take it cause I’m not an idiot, and I don’t care. Here’s what actually ended up happening.
I went and grabbed my stuff after class. I kind of stared her down, and she was being silly with her friends. Damnit! I couldn’t very well approach her when she had her army around her. So like a creep, I waited for her friends to kind of wander off to approach her.
And here’s what I said.
“I just wanted to let you know I wasn’t trying to block your way. Cause I heard you grumbling back there.”
It wasn’t quite ‘Mean Girls’ style, but her smile froze on her face. She’d wanted me to hear, but she certainly didn’t want me to approach her about it.
“That’s okay!” she stuttered.
And that was it.
But on the real folks. It’s almost January. Get to your fitness classes early, these folks are serious out there.
Gym Etiquette
I was at the gym yesterday when I saw the nastiest thing. A little nugget get up off of the rowing machine who walked away without wiping his sweaty butt stain off of the seat. That used to not bother me, until I contracted the wart from HELL on my hand. This wart was professionally blowtorched off my hand once. I’ve treated it twice with those over-the-counter freezy things. And now, I’ve been sleeping with apple cider vinegar soaked cotton balls taped to my hands in hopes that it will kill this thing once and for all. Moral of the story? CLEAN YOUR NASTY SWEAT MACHINES AFTER YOU USE THEM AT THE GYM! Okay?!
I cried in Hot Yoga yesterday.
It’s fiiine, the teacher told us we hold a lot of tension in our hips, so it’s not uncommon to get emotional. Luckily, at that point, it was like pitch-black in there, and the sweat was running in rivulets down my face, so it all looked the same. Right? That’s what I keep telling myself anyways. Having a better time of it than this guy, who posted his mat for sale on Craigslist….
Yoga mat for sale. Used once.
11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.
11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.
11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.
11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.
11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don’t exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.
12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.
12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.
12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other’s body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don’t worry, I’ll mention them later.)
12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.
12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I’m in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, “for better or worse” is what we committed to so we press on.
12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.
12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.
12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.
12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?
1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don’t get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!
1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.
1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can’t really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.
1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it’s voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It’s like juice and cracker time, ok?
1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?
1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and ‘cool down’ in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.
1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level – probably by 15 degrees. So let’s conservatively say it’s 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.
1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day’s turmoil and mental scaring.
1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein — effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.
3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the “shakes” consume my body.
4:29p
Note to self – check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.
- Location: Bellevue
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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You ever have a workout that just sticks with you?
I had one of those a few years ago. The Tone it Up girls, Karena and Katrina, were a pair of beautifully fit trainers that were featured in Shape magazine. They have a whole website/blog thing happening, and I find myself often looking to their beautiful photos on IG and stuff to get a little inspiration from time to time. Anyhoo, they posted in workout in 2011 that’s stuck with me, and I share it with you, almost 3 years later.
I love this workout for a couple of reasons. 1, it’s super easy to do anywhere. You can do it in a gym, but if you don’t have access, you can do it in the yard, or anywhere. 2, you can change it up to make it yours, or make it a little more challenging. Instead of doing a 5-minute jog, why not a 5-minute sprint to work on some hills or to work on some speed? Add some weights to the lunges – whatever you need to do to make it more challenging. And 3, it’s pretty quick! You can get through these in the span of an hour, maximize time, and still have time to go to work, job search, or whatever it us you’re doing. This is the perfect workout for someone on a time crunch, (and who isn’t,) so check it out, and check out the Tone it Up girls for a little bit of inspiration.
Overactive Blogger 