Like. I’m not mean. But I just laugh at people a lot. (And this is not health or running related, except that laughing is probably 90% of the reason I stay as sexy as I do.)
I’m completely aware this isn’t running related, but just roll with me here. Let’s chat.
Can I tell you what makes me laugh? And what I’m sorta obsessed with? Olivia Newton-John. And not just Grease-type Olivia Newton-John. Not just “Let’s Get Physical” Liv. I’m talking Patrick McDermott Liv.
I’m not sure why this delights me so much, I’m sure Olivia doesn’t find this funny. Or maybe she does now. I’m sorry Olivia for laughing at your misfortune. But consider yourself to have dodged a bullet. Beyonce has written a great single about it.
But Patrick McDermott was Olivia’s boothang for like a million years.
Good-looking couple, no? So Patrick goes bankrupt. And here’s how he decides to handle his issue, instead of dealing with it like a normal person, he goes on a fishing trip, fakes his own death (unbeknownst to his grieving leading lady), and starts living a new life in Mexico. Okay. So here’s where it gets really really good. So they put Olivia on Oprah. This story is featured on America’s Most Wanted, which used to randomly be one of my favorite Saturday night pastimes (I’m a weirdo, so arrest me). The way he’s found is is this.
They set up a website called like “Find Patrick McDermott” or something, and start logging all the IP addresses of the people who are visiting the site. This guy is so obsessed with himself that he has been checking the site so often from his computer in Mexico that they’re able to figure out exactly where he is. It gets even better. (And I’m crying now with laughter, not laughing at Olivia’s misfortune, but at this guy’s blatant narcissism). He sends a fax saying he’s fine and he wants to be left alone. You hate being with your woman so much, you sent a fax?
Sometimes when I get sad, and a little down, I just Google Patrick McDermott and realize that if all else fails, evidently, you can escape your problems by being a total jerk, faking your own death, and then monitoring your website from your new secret locale. Priceless.