Today.

Last night was great.  For the first time in weeks, and weeks, and weeks, because I woke up early and went to body pump, I really had nothing to do after I got off of work, especially seeing as how I worked on a good chunk of wedding projects on Thursday night.

So immediately after work, I laid down with the foster baby (beagle) and took a nap.

Then, me and Austin hung out and watched this creepy creepy Netflix documentary on Jeffery Dahmer, which is pretty funny (not ha ha funny, but “omg this is crazy funny), because I read Jeffery Dahmer’s article on Wikipedia the other day.  Don’t ask why, I love Wikipedia articles, they’re really a fun pastime.  Not Jefferey Dahmer’s per se, but sometimes the articles I read are fun.

So today, I get to do something really fun.

Screen Shot 2014-04-04 at 8.39.22 PMEvery year, Elon hosts a dance marathon called Elonthon that benefits the Duke Children’s Hospital, and every year for the past few years, I have gotten a chance to teach a short Zumba class to sleep deprived students at Elon, and every year, it’s been really fun.  I’m honored to be able to do it again this year, and hope to snap a few pics of the sweaty, beautiful faces of my Elon folks.

What are you doing on this beautiful Saturday? 

 

March goals.

Can we not even talk about how poorly I did with February goals?

45 Ridiculous And Amazing GIFs Of Nene Leakes For Her Birthday

February, I really got serious in a lot, my running, I traveled home a lot to be with my family, and I blogged and networked with other bloggers a TON.  I learned a lot this past month, but I did not in any way, remember, or stick to any of my goals for the month of February.  All I did was run.  Drive and run.  So here they are, March Goals!

  1. Pay my taxes.  Last year, I waited kind of until the last minute, and it was really stressful, plus I think I may have ended up paying more money than I need to.  I plan to start early, let my whiz of a husband-to-be help me out, and get it done early.  I will have this done before the end of March.
  2. This was a goal last month (and we’re forgetting about last month, okay!), but I really, really really, want to wake up early one day a week and work out.  I have said this time and again, but if I need to go to bed early one night and make sure this happens, I will.  I’m totally over having to drag myself kicking to the gym every day after work.  It’s contributing to my exhaustion and it’s not good for anyone.
  3. Make more efficient use of my time.  This means not dicking around.  Packing my lunch the night before, taking a shower when I have a spare second instead of right before I go to bed, and cleaning when I have a second or two instead of waiting until my apartment looks like a small atomic bomb detonated.  Because it makes me really anxious when stuff piles up.  I can’t do that anymore.
  4. Do ONE big wedding thing.  I am doing okay on this so far 🙂

What are your goals for March, beautiful readers?  

Would you workout with an overweight trainer?

Okay, but before we get into all of that, look at what I ate for dinner last night.

I met up with Kelly, a good friend from Elon last night, and we met up at this place called Pop’s in Durham.  It was a Trattoria, and choc-full of a ton of good wines to choose from, so it was the perfect spot for us.  So look what I had.

photo (5)This delicious thing, which came in its own skillet thingie is a fusilli pasta with tomatoes, basil, and mozzarella.  It was literally to die for and so huge, that I could only eat like a little bit of it before I packed up the reset for lunch tomorrow.  Lunch is gonna be BALLER tomorrow.

But back to the topic at hand.  So I was taking to a friend yesterday, and he was describing how is accountant had a lot of bad, outstanding debt.

“It’s like working with a fat personal trainer,” he said. “It just doesn’t make sense!”

And I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

I’d like to think that you can be overweight, and fit, and that I would be okay working with a personal trainer who was overweight, ESPECIALLY if that personal trainer was well-versed in his or her craft, but I’m not sure.  I never want to discriminate against someone on the basis of how they look, especially given the fact that you cannot necessarily tell how healthy someone is by looking on the outside.  So I’ll pose these questions to you without any judgement, or leading.

Would you work out with an overweight personal trainer?  Why or why not?  

 

The scam in Acuvue Contact lenses…

This is about to be a hard-hitting piece on what I feel is a grave injustice!

Okay, it’s not that serious, but it really annoyed me, and you guys tell me if you’ve had this experience.

So I’m blind as a bat.  I started wearing glasses in like 4th grade, and my vision has steadily gotten worse, even more so now that I spend the second half of my day glued to my laptop.

My only option at this point is contacts – I work out way too much for glasses, and I think I look pretty stupid in glasses.

photo 4

 

So the way it all works, is that when you order 6 months to 1 year in contacts, they tout this rebate as like, the biggest draw EVER to ordering the contacts in bulk.  Since I wear dailies, that meant that I had to order a truckload of contacts to get a $35 rebate.

So I apply for the rebate, and I’m notified that it’s going to take 10 weeks to get the rebate.  Okay, fine, whatever.  At least this time I didn’t forget about the rebate, like they were hoping I did.  I got that thing in the mail over the weekend and my “rebate” is a prepaid Citi card with $35 on it that I have to activate, and it expires in a year.  I also have to spend all $35 in one place because they charge you per transaction.  That rebate sucks.  I’m buying my contacts through Walgreens’ website next time.

photo 1

 

Moving right along…SNOW!  Actually, it was fake snow.  Here in North Carolina, we never get good snow, so on my way to the gym last night, the snow was looking pretty serious, but it was for naught.  By the time I was done with the gym around 9pm, the snow seemed to have eased up, and was replaced by a bone-chilling wind and cold.  Ugh, North Carolina, can’t we get just one good snow before the spring?  Please?!

photo 2

 

Once I got to the gym, I ran an easy 2 miles, and then hit the studio to take instead of teach a class with the amazing Loretta Bates.  I look like a beluga whale next to her, but she is teeny, not only around, but she’s a good half-a-foot shorter than I am.  Her class was a blast!  It’s so nice to take a class instead of teach one once in a while.

So how are you guys doing today?  Enjoying a snow day?  

I went to Zumba yesterday….

With the gorgeous Loretta Bates.  I got there super early, jumped on the treadmill (cause I’m still streaking), and then went to reclaim my spot in class.  I said hi to a few folks, and did my usual pre-class ritual.  Don’t be obnoxious or draw attention to myself because it’s rude to do that when you’re a teacher in another teacher’s class.

When the grumbling started.  

It was a chick behind me, and I think she was mad because I “took her spot” in class.  Because we have assigned seating.  And this is middle school.

I tried to ignore her.  And she made it a point to tell everyone around her, loudly, that “SOME PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THE RULES.”

I roasted the entire class.  What was I gonna say to her?  I had it all pictured in my head.

Youre-a-Mean-Girl-In-Mean-Girls-Janis-Quote-Gif

I was gonna turn around, and tell that girl, in her blue shirt where she could go.  That she was mean, that she was evil, and that if she wanted the spot, she could take it cause I’m not an idiot, and I don’t care. Here’s what actually ended up happening.

I went and grabbed my stuff after class.  I kind of stared her down, and she was being silly with her friends.  Damnit!  I couldn’t very well approach her when she had her army around her.  So like a creep, I waited for her friends to kind of wander off to approach her.

And here’s what I said.

“I just wanted to let you know I wasn’t trying to block your way.  Cause I heard you grumbling back there.”

It wasn’t quite ‘Mean Girls’ style, but her smile froze on her face.  She’d wanted me to hear, but she certainly didn’t want me to approach her about it.

“That’s okay!” she stuttered.

And that was it.

But on the real folks.  It’s almost January.  Get to your fitness classes early, these folks are serious out there.

It’s getting cold in the Carolinas.

And it’s horrible.  I’m horribly cold-blooded, and yesterday, it wasn’t cold enough for me not to run.  So I suited up before work, and did a quick few miles.

At some point, between 9 and 5, the temperature absolutely plummeted from kinda cold, to I-want-to-cry cold.  It kinda started sleeting, everyone in the area started driving like idiots, and I had never been more grateful for my short 10-minute commute.

I’d planned, before work, to go to the Zumba class of a ZES, a Zumbalebrity, charged with the task of licensing us teachers.  I’d never taken class with her, as I was licensed by the fabulous and now-retired Koh Herlong, but it was time.  I’ve seen her on the DVDs and on the video game, and it was time to see what she was all about.

But it was cold. And sleeting.  And I made the mistake of lying on the nap couch in my living room with Shahs of Sunset lulling me to sleep in the background. 

I woke up with a cat staring at me, and about 30 minutes until class started.  I asked myself a few questions.

  • Did you tell someone you’d meet them at class? (Yep, one of my students was meeting me with a pass to enter the gorgeous Lifetime Family Fitness, and I hate for people to regard me as a flake.
  • Did I feel physically capable of going?  (Yes.  I’d only run like two miles that morning, and I felt more than capable of dancing for an hour without hurting myself.)
  • Did I mentally feel like going? (Not really.  It was cold out.  And it was dark.  But if I didn’t go, I’d probably feel really bad, especially since I had no real reason to be playing hooky from the class.)

But I peeled myself off the couch, and I went.  And boy, am I glad I went.  Loretta is beautiful.  And not only was she beautiful, she’s not an education specialist for nothing.  Geez, this woman could teach her butt off, and she shared the stage with a few long-time students and teachers that she plucked from the crowd.

lorettabates

 

I’d be lying if I said working out has been easy since I started working in an office full-time.  It has been a constant struggle.  When I worked full-time at Fleet Feet, I didn’t generally have to be in until 9:45, and I was usually gone by 7:30.  I was surrounded by like-minded folks, who really put an emphasis on their health.  Now that I’ve entered the land of the office workers, not so much.  I’m largely alone in the fight to stay active, and it makes it hard to stay motivated.  Thankfully, I still work at the gym, and at the running store here and there, and it’s just enough to keep me motivated to keep doing what I’m doing.

As the holidays draw near, and everyone in the office starts bringing their holiday best, as far as meals go, the struggle to stay sexy is so real, but I am daily recommitting myself to not become some of the millions who become grownups….and gain 40 pounds.  But dang, it’s hard!

I cried in Hot Yoga yesterday.

It’s fiiine, the teacher told us we hold a lot of tension in our hips, so it’s not uncommon to get emotional.  Luckily, at that point, it was like pitch-black in there, and the sweat was running in rivulets down my face, so it all looked the same.  Right?  That’s what I keep telling myself anyways.  Having a better time of it than this guy, who posted his mat for sale on Craigslist….

Yoga mat for sale. Used once.

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows: 

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself. 

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date. 

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her. 

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning. 

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don’t exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us. 

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed. 

12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class. 

12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other’s body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don’t worry, I’ll mention them later.) 

12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond. 

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I’m in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, “for better or worse” is what we committed to so we press on. 

12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him. 

12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see. 

12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok? 

1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don’t get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed. 
I lose consciousness. 

1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can’t really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out. 

1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it’s voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It’s like juice and cracker time, ok? 

1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something? 

1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and ‘cool down’ in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up. 

1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level – probably by 15 degrees. So let’s conservatively say it’s 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door. 

1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day’s turmoil and mental scaring. 

1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein — effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir. 

3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the “shakes” consume my body. 

4:29p
Note to self – check car for missing wet yoga towel in am. 

  • Location: Bellevue
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
the yoga mat returns!  
   

I was weight-gain pescatarian girl :(

Shape magazine posted this article from POPSUGAR Fitness.  How I Gained Weight as a Vegan: Don’t Let It Happen to You!  Check it out.  And it’s so true.  Everything she says is hella true.  I was that girl.

And by the end of school, beginning of graduate school I’d gotten to here.

ME…and had to fix it to go to here

Me 2

A good, 40ish or so pound difference.

Now look.  I know, I’m not delusional.  I recognize that I’m no ‘Biggest Loser’ Contestant, but I had to take off some lbs.  It wasn’t going a good way. 

And it wasn’t completely about the way I looked, either.  I felt tired and sluggish all the time.  But I won’t front.  I totally wasn’t confident in the way I looked, in particular, I hated my stomach, but I think that more had to do with the fact that I never worked out, and I generally felt crappy.  That crappy feeling, from eating crappy food, will spill over and cloud your view of yourself, so it was just a nasty cycle.

Pescatarianism/Vegetarianism

I transitioned to a veg/pescatarian lifestyle my sophomore year when I was living with this girl.  The food at Elon at the time wasn’t my fave, and truthfully, I’d never really been a beef person.  Chicken was my friend (let’s perpetuate the stereotype, Cheri), and that was the one thing I’d have trouble giving up.  I’d switch back and forth between Pescatarianism (eating no animal products but fish) and Vegetarianism, and despite the fact that I wasn’t chowing down on Big Macs, I packed on a little bit of pudge without even really noticing until swimsuit season snuck up on me.  And that was always traumatic.

But the main reasons why my veg-ish lifestyle packed on a little pudge?  

    • I worked out sporadically, at best.  Once a week here.  A few weeks off.  Once there.  Off.  And I never gained a sense of why and how exercising was important to maintaining a healthy weight.  Plus, when you exercise more, you don’t necessarily want to eat all the crappy stuff that’s gonna make a workout miserable.  Now, I’ve changed it by doing something every day, with about one day off a week.  I run, run, run, cycle, yoga, and then I teach class on the side.
    • I didn’t realize how important diet was in how your body looked.  I literally remember one of the Real Housewives of Orange County, Alexis Bellino, saying how diet was like 80% of how your body looked, and feeling horrified in the knowledge that if I were ever to lose the bottom part of my belly that I didn’t like, that I’d have to stop drinking Cokes to stay awake in class.  Which brings me to this…
    • I drank my calories.  I had no sense of what percentage of my calories were liquid.  I drank Cokes to stay awake in class.  I drank fruity alcoholic beverages with whipped cream on top.  I just was doing too much.  I’ve since switched to waters, sparkling waters, Kombucha, and nonfat lattés with skim.  Obviously, I’ll treat myself, to a Gatorade or a fancy drink from Starbucks, but definitely, it’s more far and few between than it was.
    • I didn’t know how to read a label/what a calories was.  I had this abstract sense of labels and calories, but not really how it applied to me and what I was eating.  It really wasn’t until I consulted with a nutritionist at Camp Pocono Trails, where I was working, that it made sense.  And I kept track of everything that I put into my mouth until I had a firm grasp of what I was eating.
    • I was still eating fast food. I can’t even…okay.  I ate at the most disgusting places.  All vegetarian mind you, but all disgusting.  One of which included the Filet-o-Fish from McDonalds with the nasty piece of cheese and a glob of tartar sauce on top (who puts cheese on a piece of cod?!) and the Sampler Platter from Applebees, which included mozzarella sticks, spinach and artichoke dip, and cheese quesadillas.  All of these items were fried in some way, shape, or form.  I am so kind of ashamed when I tell people that.
    • I didn’t eat any “whole” foods.  I didn’t eat salads.  I didn’t read labels to see what ingredients (ingrediences, right Teresa Guidice?) foods included.  And I never packed my own lunch.  How can you maintain a healthy weight when you don’t even know who’s making your food, right?

So if you’re contemplating vegetarianism or veganism, bravo! However, if you’re doing it for weight loss, you’re barking up the wrong tree. You can just as well fall into a nasty trap and gain a ton.  Balance is absolutely key and without all the pieces of a healthy lifestyle, it’s just not gonna work.