I’m not talking about some chub jiggling.  I’m not talking about the booty bouncing.  I’m talking about p-o-o-p.  I don’t want to say it, so we just have to spell it.  (My mom reads this blog, so we can’t get too graphic, because she will call me and yell.

If you run any sort of distance you know what I’m talking about.  You’re in the groove, and all of a sudden, the urge hits you.  The urge to ::ahem:: evacuate the dance floor, if you will, hits you.  There can be a number of reasons for this.  1, if you’re running in the morning, it’s part of the natural cycle of waking up and getting yourself together.  2, if you eat a little breakfast before you head out, your body wants to move things along!  It’s natural.  3, if you’re completing a long run and you’re taking gels, the combination of sugars and/or caffeine can give you a kick in the gut.  And finally, 4, if you’re racing, sometimes nerves can get the best of you, and set your stuff aflame.

So what do you do when you’re running, and all of a sudden, it hits you?

-In a race?  Hit the port-a-johns. Avoid looking down, make sure your quads are strong, and HOVER. Just hover.  Douse yourself in Purell, and keep on your way.

-My least advisable option is to take an Immodium before a big race. I’m not too big a fan of this option because it freaks me out to artificially plug things up.  Unless you catch the stomach flu and are severely dehydrated before a race, I’d skip this one.

-Before a long run or a race? Hit the throne so you can clean house before you find yourself 15 miles from home with a bewildered look on your face.  Skip the super fibrous veggies just before and clean house in the days leading up to a race or a long run.  Don’t eat weird or exotic (to you) foods just before a long run.

-If you really find yourself upset often, try switching to a non-caffeinated gel.

– Trees. If you’ve ever run a long race, people will regularly leave the course on the nature-y parts.  Don’t look at what they’re doing.  You know what they’re doing.  Don’t peek.  That’s weird.  You can do it too if you find yourself in a pickle.

-Finally. Finally. Finally. Map out the bidnesses in the area that will allow you to use their facilities. Some places (understandably) won’t let you use their restrooms, presumably because they don’t want folks getting dressed/having relations/using Listerine/getting drunk and throwing up in their places.  It’s happened to them before, so they not with it. Coffee shops that you frequent in real life, the YMCA, sandwich shops, or places that you worked in high school usually will be nice about the bathroom stops.  Use them.  Thank the folks who let you use them.  And make sure you frequent and patronize these bidnesses when you’re not running as well so you build a lovely rapport with these owners.

For those of you who live in Raleigh?  I’m working on a database to store those bidness (business) owners who are willing to let us use their facilities, and who might even spare a cup of water on a good day.  Look out for the info!