Pardon the language.

Also, do you ever watch reality television?  And they bleep the word asshole, but they only bleep the “hole” part.  Which seems sort of struggly because I always thought the world “ass” was the bad part.  But maybe it’s because of the vulgarity of the world “hole”.  I don’t know.  Not important I suppose.

As I go through life, I’m generally a happy person.  Fun fact: I didn’t used to be that way, I was quite a sassafrass when I first moved here, but that’s cause I was miserable and I wasn’t doing yoga and working out and I didn’t consciously choose happiness.

But anyhoo, sometimes, I see things as I’m going through my day. I think to myself, “man, you are an asshole, especially as of late when every single person on social media considers them self a guru of race relations, the democratic/republican party, artists receiving full compensation for their music, and black hair.

So here it is folks, your handy-dandy guide to whether or not you’re an asshole.

You may be are an asshole if:

• You don’t tip appropriately at restaurants.  I’ve read those articles where people talk about the fact that they shouldn’t have to tip, blah blah, and it should be included.  Well guess what?  It’s not.  Waitstaff make about $2.13 an hour and live off the tips you give them.  And if you don’t like that, go home and make your own food.  (Now if you are in receipt of bad service, that certainly another thing, and you really should contact the manager at that point and work it out with him/her.)
• You don’t put your cart back at the grocery store.  I get it.  You’ve got kids.  Your arms are full.  But it’s just rude to put your cart in the islands at the store.  Because when you do, someone either has to chase them around a parking lot, or someone has to fish it out of the island.  Pro tip: if you really feel frazzled, ask the associate to call someone to walk you out, unload your groceries for you, and take your cart back.
• You don’t give a shit about politics.  This is a direct quote.  Like a direct quote from a gentleman who was working the coffee counter at a local shop here.  I think we were kind of shooting the breeze about Donald Trump running for office [Jim Halpert stare] when this gentleman told me, “I really don’t give a shit about politics.”  Cool dude!  Not.  I don’t claim to be a specialist, but I really do my darnedest to stay on top of what and who I’m voting for.  I don’t think it’s fair that we live in such an awesome country where potholes get filled, and the firetrucks come to your house when you call, and we have schools, and you just don’t care about politics.  Sure, this country is far from perfect, but it’s something that we all should be invested in.
• You comment on my body.  This is something that I’ve discussed with the girls I work with.  Often, and we’re talking like weekly, a guy at the Y will make a comment on one of our bodies.  I’ve gotten comments on my legs.  One girl has gotten a comment on her weight (she’s lost some for her wedding).  Yet another has gotten a comment on her walk.  A man once asked if “this is the YMCA or Hugh Hefner’s house,” implying that I looked like a playmate?  This is not how you relate to a woman.  It’s gross.  And it’s not flattering.  Pro tip: If you wouldn’t want someone talking to your kid that way, you shouldn’t talk to folks that way either.
• You’re racist/sexist/ageist/ or in general, you discriminate, openly or otherwise.  Thanks to our upbringing, we all have our prejudices.  And it’s not cool.  But it’s YOUR job to remember that a human being is a human being, and deserves the same dignity and respect that you deserve walking through the door.  Period.

Ok.  That’s really entirely enough bitching, ranting, and raving for the day.  I really do love my life.  It’s awesome.  But I can’t stand assholes.

What’s your pet peeve?