The other day, I awoke feeling a little overwhelmed.  The laundry wasn’t folded.  The floors needed a vacuum.  And the stupid walls in my new place aren’t painted yet.  I hate, hate. HATE white walls.  So they best way I could think to deal with this, was to go to the store, and buy a new pen for me to write lists with.

I knew exactly which pen I wanted.  The little part for your fingers was really squishy and clear.  It came in blue and black, but blue, was, by leaps and bounds, exactly what you needed when you were scheduling appointments and writing notes.  The ink flowed perfectly, and it pen said, “I’m a professional, and I write like one too!  Maybe I will write a non-fiction book one day, that’s how cool this pen was.

So anyhoo, I go to Rite-Aid, and look for the pen.  It’s nowhere to be found.  But I did find this malarkey.

I’d seen the reviews for this on Amazon, but I really didn’t want to believe that a company would be so idiotic as to market “lady pens” as if a man pen wouldn’t serve us.  Maybe they felt like they weren’t connecting with their female audience.  So they slapped some glitter paint on a pen and called marked it ‘For Her’?  Uh.  Lemme tell you what BIC, you market a ‘For Blacks’ pen and slap something rude on the pen, we are gonna have some serious problems.  I am not the one.

The Investigation

I knew what pen I was looking for, and I couldn’t find a trace of it.  I’d recalled that it was a Papermate vaguely, and I set out on the hunt to find this pen.  I Googled and Googled.  Nothing.  I finally contacted Papermate directly though an online form…

And got this.  By that time I’d figured out the pen, the Papermate Xtend (stick, not retractable).

And when I called Papermate, I found out that my dear, awesome pen, they’d discontinued in January.  Excuse me while my life crumbles to pieces around me.  So I did what any normal human being would do.

I ordered a box of 12 online. So what. I’m obsessive and I will never need a pen again. So HAVE ME ARRESTED, I DON’T CARE.  Happy Friday the 13th y’all!